Film. Remember?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Aching to recapture some of the lost, golden-tintedness of days gone by... Remembering other eras of my little life...
And feeling the urge to dust off my old, trusty, faithful film camera. To re-learn its ways. To see if I can let go of the automated, hi-tech habit of my fancy digital SLR and let the manual dials and focus and film advance lever of my tiny, oh-so-plain Minolta come back to me.
It's been a strange sensation.
I look at the back of this plain little camera after EVERY PHOTO.
I forget to advance the film.
My fingers forget where the shutter speed dial is.


It feels good to stretch. Even if I'm stretching BACK into old skills.

So. Here. They're not much. The film had been in my camera for years. Ha! But. I love them. Each of them. Grainy, dark, REAL. Film. Yum. I think I'll be doing this again soon.

And a few little thoughts about life in general:

Taken and yanked FAR off center in recent days... working every day to re-find a core of peace and contentment. Waiting. It's been obvious to any readers of the blog that I've not been around as much... And I wish I could say I'll be remedying that. But for now, I am living life one day at a time. Doing what I can. Letting go what I cannot. And always the waiting. In so many areas of life right, now, waiting. Waiting for a set span of time to pass. Waiting for a lens in the mail. Waiting for an uncomfortable situation to become comfortable again. Waiting for change. Waiting for answers. Waiting for understanding.
Thank you for all the recent prayers, emails, calls, and comments. Thank you for lifting me up, even with such vagueness from me. Thank you for YOUR patience.
All shall be well. All IS well. The Lord is my shepherd-- no want shall I know.

"In the midst of affliction,
my table is spread with blessings unmeasured--
My cup runneth o'er...
Oh what shall I ask of Thy Providence more?"

Words and music that have filled my heart in recent days. I am blessed.

Things that are bringing me JOY right now:

~ Beckie in town a bit longer... And subsequently, her dear friends Kyle, Jenna, etc. etc.
~ Noah has come into a very pleasant stage recently. Less screaming, more cuteness... More patience with his Mama...
~ Genny and her long voice mails... her emails... And a visit this weekend.
~ My mother. Infinitely deep and brilliant and... she loves me so much. I am so blessed.
~ My father. What will I do one day without his calm yet penetrating wisdom and advice? He is so incredibly calm. And wise. And loving. And he steadies me and reminds me to have faith.
~ Joe-- his hugs have gotten bigger... His eyes have gotten softer. He is carrying me so much, and I love him for it. And he is INCREDIBLE with Noah. I adore watching them together.
~Music-- specifically the calming, healing, spiritual music I've craved recently. A shortcut to my soul... for sure.
~ Sleep-- naps and early beds, and Noah's occasional extra 30 minutes in the morning...
~ Checking off to-do lists: any time I can feel I am moving forward, not stagnating... and time I can feel a lift of a load from a long-overdue task, it is so energizing. Truly.
~ Make-up: Ha ha! But seriously, anytime a girl "pulls it together" to look good for the day, it is an automatic boost. I LOVE when I get my act together and do this!
~ Steven. Elise. Julina. Sarah. Kirsti. Each of my siblings have been so cute/funny/kind/amazing recently... each having their own adventures and trials... but each making time for each other. I love my family.
~ Scriptures. I am reading 3rd Nephi right now, and the power of the Savior's visit is washing over me. And so many of his gentle words of advice are coming to me when I need them most.

So.... Joy is HERE. It really is. And I am centering back to it as much as I can each and every day.

And I am quiet and calm and grateful at this moment. All is well.


  1. Whatever is causing your strife I hope peace and calm will eventually (like very soon!) overcome it and you can be centered and groovin' once more.

  2. I am glad that you are calm now. And I do hope that all the waiting is over soon and with good outcomes.

    I love these film images. I still have oodles of film to develop that I really need to do. I would love to take some film photos now that I've actually got the knowledge to really put a camera to use instead of trying like I did when I got my first film SLR, but I sold it. :( I suppose I can always try to find another one some day.

  3. This post actually brought me to tears. Maybe it's because I'm your sister, maybe because I know the feeling of trials and learning to find the small things in life to keep you going forward, or maybe because I'm listening to Nickel Creek (which always puts me in a mushy gushy mood), I want you to know that I love you and I can't thank you enough for being as amazing as you are. I enjoy getting calls from you and hearing about your past days living here in Utah and when we compare notes on BYU, Provo, and the extended family.
    Quoting that silly mass-produced poster of the kitten holding onto a tight-rope that hang in doctors' offices: "Hang in there."

  4. My thoughts are with you. I hope things settle down for you soon.

  5. Echoing Kirsti's thought here...first the film photos (LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOVE), then your Joy list. I'm biased, a'course, but even if I weren't named, it'd make me tearful.

    So, so glad I got to hug my emily this weekend. These joys are here forever, you know, in some form.


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