After, after, after.... After THIS, I can do __________. After I finish _________ I can finally do ___________. After we have ______________ we can finally _________________. After after after......
Sigh.
I mean to blog. I do. I have so many photos of my own life, my own child, my own trips... Stories to tell... Ponderings to ponder...
After I finish the newborn session I am editing. (Hopefully will finish that one tonight.) After I sort/batch/edit the minisession from last week. (Might get that done by tomorrow.)
After.... After I check off this list or that....
And truly, for once, there might just be a window of time to breathe, after those sessions I mentioned. I have nothing scheduled now until September. And I'm keeping it that way. And I will begin to tell my OWN stories again... The right intent is there....
It's just so disheartening to see that even after the enlightenment of realizing I MISS telling my own tales, there is still the postponement... this finishing of loose ends first... this telling myself, "After. After. After."
Sigh.
Change comes slowly, right??
(P.S. I have dug out an old folder of CDs and found my old St. Louis Symphony recordings. I. Am. So. HAPPY to be hearing them once again. I once upon a time made gorgeous music in gorgeous groups. NATSUKASHII.)
I was just talking to Elise about how I really miss singing with a group. Church and the car just aren't enough. Maybe someday when I am more settled in my life I will try again.
ReplyDeleteMiss you!
I think I know how you feel, Em. Except maybe not, just because most of the time, I'm putting things off for stupid/petty/foolish/trivial reasons, not because I'm trying to be productive for someone else's sake. Right now, though, I'm trying to put the productivity first- things like cleaning/organizing various parts of my room (the closet is a big one right now), de-cluttering my life by putting it in storage boxes to be pulled out later when I have a place of my own, etc. Mostly, I'm trying to do things I always wish I had time to do during the school year so that I'm not once again wishing I had time to do them instead of actually doing them.
ReplyDeleteWe should do more family singing. I know it's nothing like the symphony, but it's still some good times to be had... just a thought :)
Hang in there. I'm thinking about you! <3 <3 <3
After. After. After...story of my life these days, too. Hope you're doing well. :)
ReplyDelete