The Chill Comes... But I Am Warm...

Sunday, December 6, 2009

{On a Walk: a little chintzy cell phone image, sunlight is nearly gone... and I adore it anyway.}

It is December. Already. and with it, the real cold, finally, after an autumn of rain and mild sunny days... And, oddly enough, I welcome it. The chill. Right now, in the busy, frenzied, blinders-on rush of life I am living, I welcome the soul-cleansing, blastingly frigid reminder to WAKE UP AND OPEN MY EYES TO THE NOW. I welcome it with wild, outstretched arms and the barbaric YAWP that says, "I am ALIVE! Remind me to never forget!!"

I want to not be afraid of the dark and the cold and the bleak and the bare... But to let it teach me.

Let it teach me that I have enough, and to be grateful for the plenty in my life.
Let it teach me that for every ebb, there is an eventual return of FLOW...
Let it teach me to go within, figuratively and literally, and embrace it. The season of inner life...
Let it teach me to be innovative and resourceful with what I'm given, even when it is sparse.
Let it teach me to look harder for beauty, and be happy with what I find.
Let it teach me to love even the cold and the dark and the bleak and the bare.

And I want Noah to love it, too. So we went on a walk the other evening, just after his warm, deep, long nap... We bundled up and got the stroller, and let the sun set on us as we walked (for nearly the last time) our tree-lined majestic street looking for leaves and pumpkins-on-porches and the beginnings of Christmas lights. Noah and I talked about Christmas, and I taught him the concept of deer and wreaths. (I think he gets it. He was sad to leave the "deer" at each house that had the lighted ones on display. He did keep calling wreaths "leafs" though... Hm.)

And as we strolled, I breathed in the sharp air, tucked my sleeves around my fists, and thought about the winter to come. How it felt to be enlivened by the brisk chill... How Noah came to life after his drowsy nap and wanted to explore EVERYTHING. and I vowed to not stay indoors the entire winter. I vowed to get us out for even fifteen minutes every day... to look for pine cones or to hunt for dogs to make bark in their back yards (Noah loves that game!)... To breathe and shiver and look and be ALIVE...

And then to go back in and be grateful for warmth and home and hearth and all the abundance we have under our (red, cold) noses.

The chill is here. But I am ready. And I am warm.


  1. oh i loved this post! i know exactly what you mean. i remember seeing a movie as a teen about a girl who was crippled in a skiing accident. after many months of recovery she and a friend who was also physically impaired were struggling in their wheel chairs, then they fell over and started to crack up, and laugh for a long time, just because they were feeling and experiencing! it has stuck with me for a long time and your words reminded of that. anyway, i loved this post. do you mind if i copy the first part and put it on my blog. i'll give you the credit, of course. i also loved your blog from mother's day with the picture of the pasta necklace and the one about doing tasks, like making cookies, that you watched your mother do. I can't remember the details as much of that one but I have been meaning to ask for a long time if you would mind if I had a copy of those. they just spoke to my soul:) let me know, when you get a chance, i know you're busy. thanks.

  2. What an inspiring post! I tend to so dread the winter time because of the cold and the blahs. But like you've said here and like a friend just told me, 'you've got to love all season's because if you wouldnt be alive!'

    I want to be alive in every sense of the word.

  3. So beautifully said! My dear, you have such a glorious way with words. Thank you for sharing them - and you inspiring venture to the outside. Your new neighborhood will provide lots of new opportunities for exploration, I am sure.

  4. You are a poet as well as an artist. What a blessing! Have I mentioned that I plan to have you take our photos one day? It's on my bucket list.


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