Lucy is Four Months Old

Presenting the next shot in the series-- Lucy, 4 Months:

(Month 3 HERE

Month 2 HERE

Inspired by these guys HERE)

With a few other shots from the 10 minutes of Happy Lucy On Her Polka Dot Blanket:

Some notes:

* Yes, her eyes really look this way in person--- sparkly, grey-blue, HUGE....

*  When she smiles, her whole face opens up. It makes you forget everything else.

*  The headband was made by me, especially for her Aunt Kirsti's wedding. (Inspired by the Peekaboo newborn shot of a baby in a bicycle basket, here.)

*  I used THIS tutorial for the roses. I need to photograph them close up for the blog to show you how cool they turned out.
 

*  Lucy's current milestones are grabbing for things successfully and being able to prop herself up on her elbows during tummy time and get her head up pretty far. No more licking the blanket on the floor because her face is planted on it.

*  Lucy mostly sleeps in her crib nowadays, finally. She still often takes her morning nap in my arms/the sling/the carseat/ the stroller, but even that mobile nap seems to be biting the dust slowly. And her nighttime is pretty good in her crib, except for the awful hour of 5:00am and on. This is her witching hour, and it falls on MY shift, and it ticks me off to no end.

* Every day, I think, "This is the day I will wean her." I am shocked by this feeling this time, because it wasn't even on the radar with Noah. I breastfed Noah til 13 months, even with supply struggles and lots of ups and downs. This time, it's just been HARD all around to be a good mama, and being anxious about feeding her enough and being stressed about her behaviors in general, I'm just finding I don't have much strength left to push through the breastfeeding frustrations. Still... I carry on. So though I daily say THIS is the day I will wean, that day still hasn't actually happened.

*  Lucy is giving us marvelous stretches of smiling, cooing, lovely cuteness. Every day we get several of these. She's even been good about letting me put her down in a bouncy seat or on a blanket for periods of time. In this, she has improved greatly from her first 2 months.

*  BUT. When she is DONE being sweet, she flips immediately to her awful side again, and screams for whatever it is she is needing-- food, rest, less stimulation... She has no "middle", really... it's either angelically great or devilishly awful. This Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde-ness is EXHAUSTING and disheartening and draining and..... makes me sad.

*  She loves her big brother. Loves tracking him with her big eyes. Loves "talking" to him.

*  She is still quite small---- we haven't had her 4-month appt yet (that's in 2 days) so I don't have any official numbers, but she is still very much in 0-3 month clothes, with the pants and bottoms of those 0-3 mo. items still being huge on her. I estimate she's no more than 12-13 pounds.

*  But Lordy, she poops like a champ. I cannot begin to describe the horrific blowouts she's managed to produce at the worst possible times--- my sister's wedding reception, an outlet mall parking lot with a whole night of travel ahead of us, nearly every church day.... Something about the angle of her carseat just primes her to be a loose cannon, and the results are AWFUL. So. Tiny she may be, but powerful in her abilities. And CLEARLY not malnourished.

*  She loves her baths. Seems to be starting to love her Bunny lovey I am foisting on her. Loves her binkie, though she still won't work hard to keep the darn thing in her mouth. We've devised a thousand ways to keep the thing in-- because she NEEDS it.... But it is exhausting to have to hold it in or prop it in and I cannot WAIT til she can grab that thing in her own fist and plug herself back in. UGH.

*  She still completely surprises me with her reddish blonde hair and BLUE-grey eyes. I never expected either of those colors on my baby girl. She was gonna be brunette and brown-eyed... Ha!

* I still fear that there is something I'm missing with regards to her temperament... something I can CHANGE or FIX that will bring her comfort and suddenly make her a happier baby....I am always feeling doubt.

*  But I am also feeling many many sudden rushes of complete love for her... and I KNOW this is exactly where I am meant to be, even if it is mostly hard hard hard for now. There are times the memory of how MUCH I wanted her for SO LONG nearly takes my breath away, and I force myself to be still and be grateful for ALL of this, even the bad and the ugly. And I try so hard to be PRESENT when it is good.

Thus, we head into the close of summer and keep truckin'......And I took a picture of the painting I did a few years ago that I have in my kitchen right now,  a very basic message I can always stand to integrate into my days:

The side says, all around the edges, "When life gives you big, overflowing bushels of lemons...."

Remember: LEMONADE.

Got it?

(Working on it.)