Saturday, June 13, 2009

My small boy has taken to perching on my lap when I am on the computer during the day... Comfortably nestled into my left arm, asking for all the doo-dads that surround us at the computer desk---- chapstick. A mini garden gnome ("doll", to him). A stuffed owl. Infant fingernail clippers (gotta get his nails trimmed somehow... this is usually the time!). Headphones (he listens to "Hamster Dance" and "BananaPhone", among other songs). Lotion. A candle. A wind-up centurion on a horse. Our Skype camera.

He is content for moments, then wants to move on to the next thing. Sometimes I can get him interested in a Hulu clip of Sesame Street...

And though I'd LOVE two hands to type... full energy devoted to editing/writing/hanging out in my online universe (oh, such a vice!)... I'd LOVE to have time time time.... I recognize in a very visceral way that this little warm, wiggly, demanding body in my arms is only going to want to be there for a short while. That even if he moves on and up and is replaced by a younger sibling toddler... and then another... and another..... One day, all of them will be too big. Too busy. Too grown.

This is the season of my holding chubby hands and laughing at mangled new-word attempts... Of cuddling the kiddo WITH the lamby. And the blanky. And the penguin puppet. All in one mass pile.

For all the times I want to tear my hair out... mostly, he makes my heart sing.

Other things that have been making my heart sing:

We went to the circus yesterday.... A beautifully done local one-ring affair that is under a true bigtop, with amazing costumes and a live orchestra... Incredible. I sat there for the first 20 minutes, looking at my son's awestruck face, then back to the incredible, AUTHENTIC circus, and held back deep, powerful emotion... Joy. The heart was singing for sure.

Joe's hugs have filled my soul lately--- well, always, actually. He and I meet in the middle of a room, and unspoken, a hug occurs-- arms tight, head resting on chest, tighter squeeze, a few murmured words of love, of gratitude, of affection.... then back to whatever we were headed to do-- laundry, naptime, baby bath, groceries, whatever... But those hugs, sprinkled throughout the day, give me a deep sense of contentment.

Catching moments on film that look the way I envisioned them... Whether it be a deep woods or a hilltop or just a small, unimportant morning moment, I have had some incredibly satisfying photography experiences lately. I have so many more to share soon...

Summer in general-- cotton candy at the circus, the smell of sunscreen at the children's fountain at Tower Grove, slushies from Sonic, Art Fairs, fireflies, flip flops, neighborhood strolls, gelato from down the street, hamburgers, summer thunderstorms....It's like summer is an easing of the muscles, a relaxing, a deep breath.

It's good, this life. It is really, really good. These are the moments that will define my memories when I am 100 years old-- the things that remind me that above all, I had a happy life.

Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart.

~MLK, Jr.


  1. Thank you for sharing your gratitude. Helps keep the important, eternal aspects of this life in focus. I hope your family knows how lucky they are to have you just as much as you are to have them.

  2. Anonymous6:43 PM

    This quote rocks my world. Thank you!

  3. Beautiful post Em! I can't wait to see pictures of the circus. Thanks for sneaking a couple in the collage.

  4. Thanks for adding that even though sometimes he makes you want to tear out your hair he mostly makes your heart sing. I have a baby the same age and I feel exactly the same way, and it is so refreshing to see someone be real. It is not always roses and sunshine, but most of the time it IS!

  5. You're right, sometimes, it's all about perspective. If we look at things the right way, there's more joy than sorrow. It's all about our view of things.

  6. There's always a silver lining to every cloud, isn't there? Sometimes I wish I could just put my life on pause and soak in those special moments more fully...or take a deep breath once in awhile instead of always rushing through life. Thanks for the reminder.

  7. Beautifully put. Beautifully shown. Beautifully shared.

    Thank you.


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