Tuesday, May 8
Sometimes I really feel guilty for the amount of blessings we get from living here for free... because we don't do nearly as much work as you'd think we'd have to in order to deserve this.
THEY want us to keep it clean... keep it secure... serve them food twice a month...food we don't even make.
So we vacuum. Sometimes. We dust... every so often. We sweep. We mop. We take out the bathroom garbage and scrub the two toilets that maybe get used six times a month. We shovel snow and salt sidewalks.
We do the whole rounds MAYBE once a month, because frankly, it is a gently used building. The most work we ever have to do is on meeting nights, and then, we only have a 3-hour chunk of time where we set tables, make beverages, set up food, and then clean up after the whole thing. Not a lot of work.
But this building, though gently used, DOES sometimes need a little more. Like floor waxing. Or hedge trimming. Or hardwood treating. But we're never exactly sure when or if THEY need us to do those things. Sometimes, other people will come in, and Voila! the floors are done when we come home. Do THEY resent us for not taking initiative to do it ourselves? Do THEY plan all along to do it? Do THEY talk about us and wish we were harder workers? Do THEY resent us for living in THEIR building for free, at only 10 hours a month of work?
Are we doing enough?
Until recently, we have felt pretty happy here. We love Carl, Bill, Bill, Joe, Page, Rex, Greg, and so on... Until recently, we have felt like THEY enjoy our company and appreciate our work, light though it may be. But there is a new round of guys these days. Adding to the old ones. And these new ones (still old, mind you), are not so warm and fuzzy. Okay, actually it is ONE man. And he is not so nice. Seems to be looking at us critically, all the time. And while of course my first reaction is to get defensive and come up with all the ways we are doing okay, it makes me step back and wonder if we really ARE doing okay. Have the nicer guys just never told us we're lazy P.O.S.? It this new one pointing out the truth? Does he have a right to be mean and critical and standoffish and displeased all the time?
Are we failing here?
And if so, what to do? We had planned to be here another two years. Carl, our favorite and our one-on-one Mason liason this entire time, seems very pleased with that. He is such a good, kind, dear man. But this OTHER Mason, Mean-Man... he seems so resentful and disliking of us. Will he be a very real reason not to stay here?
I HATE feeling not good enough. I hate feeling criticized. I wish... gosh. Honesty? I wish we could still get by with what we have done for the past two and a half years and it be good enough. I wish Mean Mason was gone. But it seems that those two wants are not likely to happen, so instead, here is what I have to do, in order to reconcile myself to the idea of living here for two more years (if THEY even let us, which might become a fear later):
1. get over the Mean Mason.
2. Start doing more. I don't even know what that means. But MORE, nonetheless. Be flexible.
I mean, we're living here for FREE. Can't I just get over my own expectations and do MORE to deserve it?*sigh* Sorry this post is so boring. But Mean Mason just growled at me before I came upstairs today, and it has been stewing and brewing, and I've been crying, and I really needed to vent...
Better than me charging back downstairs to confront the guy and demand an apology for his hurting the feelings of a sweet, hardworking lady like myself. I might accidentally swear at him, and that would ruin the whole "lady" image I'd be trying to convey.
Posted by Emily S. at 4:19 PM