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Awesome/Not Awesome:

Sunday, June 2, 2013



Awesome: 
I seriously love coming here to read the comments you guys take time to give me. Lately, especially... they're like a letter in the mail, or an unexpected treat, something special that lifts me. Thank you. Even if you don't 'know" me, but take time to say something, it warms me like crazy. These days I need all the love and lifting support I can get. 

Not Awesome: 
I feel like the impending move to a new house has ramped up my PPD quite a bit. I still experience it in "episodes" or "flare-ups" rather than prolonged bouts, so I have come to trust that if I'm feeling like a total basket case, I just need to ride it out for the few hours it lasts and it WILL get back to normal after that. I'm relieved for that. 

When a "flare-up" occurs,  it mostly manifests in a sad, gloomy, "helpless to do much" kind of way. I sigh a lot. I glump around the house a lot. I wonder tearfully how I will ever manage to make lunch for all these kids....(Two. *snort*) Luckily I don't get angry or hurt-y or dangerous.... Just mope-y and stuck and despondent. But I can manage that for the three-hour lengths, once a week or so, that it lasts.

Awesome:
As I get closer to this actual move, I am starting to itch for the change.... for the "fresh start" and a perceived new "order" to my life that I intend to cultivate. I'm aching for it, actually, especially as I sit in this current house that will need to get packed up soon and wonder, "why bother?" when it comes to tidying up, so that the order here is less and less and less......... I am READY for NEW. Different. Also, I am so ready for the washer/dryer on the main level there. And the chest freezer in the basement (never had a chest freezer before.) And the big fenced yard. And to start decorating a nursery for Quinn, poor old baby. 

Not Awesome:
Our intrepid new-to-us minivan, Oscar Optimus the Odyssey, age 13, is severely disabled and at the shop. And his repairs will cost a lovely HALF of what we paid for him. Which wasn't much, but was for us.... so OUCH. But necessary. So yeah. Love car repairs. Ick. 

Awesome:
I am getting a torrential pile of email inquiries for client sessions lately. I don't know what I did right for Google to be working so hard for me, but it is an honor to be emailed. I am so glad people still find my work relevant and are interested in hiring me. 

Not Awesome:
I am ready to move, but SO. SAD. to be leaving my church ward.... We've been in this congregation for almost NINE YEARS. And though there are plenty of folks who come and go from the ward, it still feels like home to me, and I have dear friends I am not ready to part ways with. Sure, we promise we'll still hang out. After all, I'm only moving 20 minutes away.... But the reality is, with all these kids and stuff, it's just not that simple. I just hope we manage a few attempts before we fade away. :(

Awesome:
They are the most work I've ever had to do, but I freaking love my kids. Like "want to eat them up" love them. Lucy had a post-bedtime fussing moment just now, rare for her, and I was EXCITED. I got to go to her room and snuggle her in the dark... a rare treat. And passing by Noah's room just now, I saw he was still awake and reading, so I went in and made him snuggle, too. I live for that stuff. I am so in love with these babies of mine. 
 Not Awesome: 
I suppose it's time to start packing. 

Awesome:
My sister Beckie is in town from Hawaii. I've missed her guts. 


Awesome:
I got a lovely Sunday nap today. 


 Awesome:
My husband Joe makes this little messy loud life perfect. 
 Awesome:
I just finished a blog post. 

Happy June, folks.... it's going to be a wild ride over here.... But we're still swimming. 

15 comments:

  1. You have such an amazing little clan! I admire you all so much <3 This move will be over as soon as you know it and you are right, the new place will be great! Love You!

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  2. Moving is always the hardest thing. And the most exciting thing ever! And yah, I still miss that ward! It is a special place--plan to go back and visit on twice a year. Give yourself a set Sunday. Until you don't need to.

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  3. Not Awesome: The process of moving is ALWAYS a pain in the butt. I feel ya there, sister! Even when there is excitement for change, I hate having to pack. SO hard to get motivated to do it. (That is just one of the reasons I *really* hope I can find a library job in Syracuse when I'm done...)

    Awesome: You. Joe. Noah. Lucy. Quinn. The fact that I get to see you in just a few days! Our family, crazy-loud though it is.
    (And ice cream and Legos. Just wanted to throw those into the "Awesome" slot! ;)

    Love you!

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  4. Moving is hard. And paralyzing. When we moved last, it was literally within walking distance but because of the way houses closed, we had to do the whole load up the truck thing.
    Start with the things you don't use all the time but you can't bear to part with. Pack them nicely because it might be awhile until you get them back out.
    The everyday stuff--clear totes packed by room.

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  5. Hey! Did you notice there were more 'AWESOME' than 'NOT AWESOME' sections? I counted! :)

    Already on the path to the right direction!!

    XOXOXO

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  6. Awesome: getting married in just a few days

    Not awesome: packing - I'm right there with you. Luckily, I have motivated visiting teachers to come over and kick my butt into gear. Otherwise, I'd still have a pile of empty boxes and full bookshelves...

    Awesome: I get to see you guys in a few days, too (in addition to getting married)

    Not awesome: so many details to pull together and it feels so last minute (maybe because it is)

    Awesome: beautiful weather after storms all weekend.

    Hope your week goes all right - I'll call you soon

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  7. Awesome: Everything about this entry. The ups and downs, the real stuff. As a mom of 1 (which I'm sure is a lot easier than 3) who has the ups and downs too (including PPD bouts that sneak in still at 7 months) it's wonderful to read and connect to another "real" mom. Don't ever gloss it over - and enjoy the awesome even more when it pops in!

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  8. I love how you own your PPD - it's there, it sucks when it hits, but you roll through with it. Awesome! Moving, especially moving with kids, can get crazy and overwhelming but the thrill of a new place, the plotting and planning of how to nest in it and make it home, that's the cool part!
    I love your blog entries, so many of them I can nod my head and say "Oh, yeah." I can relate!
    The picture of your kiddos cracked me up! Quinn looks like he's telling Noah "Wait, I've got another joke to tell you." Such an expression!
    You are doing awesome!

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  9. Anonymous11:52 PM

    Awesome: my friend Emily. I feel ya on the paralyzing bouts of PPD. Can I still call it that when my kid is so old? LOL

    Meanwhile, being a mom is, in a word, RELENTLESS. You just keep concentrating on the awesome.

    xoxo

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  10. Awesome: You moving nearby us! I can't wait!

    Not awesome: Not having the time to get together.

    Awesome...we will MAKE time, right?!

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  11. AWESOME: You :)

    You are in SUCH a good place, even if it may not seem it at times, because you have WORDS for your PPD ickiness. I simply FEEL mine, can't even elucidate it, though your words have captured it brilliantly.

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  12. Every single time I stop by and "visit" you make my life sweeter.
    I love that you have such a kind and giving spirit.
    Thank you for sharing so much goodness (and goofiness).
    I feel bathed in grace every time I pop in.
    Thank you, simply thank you.
    Miss Daleen

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  13. Thanks for being authentic! We are going to really miss our ward too. In fact we will probably stay in the ward through the summer, hard to say goodbye. We are also really looking forward to more space and a backyard! Clara prays for the new house and that we can find new best friends. :) I am serious about jamming! You are so gifted musically and artistically, thanks for sharing who you are!

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