Blah Days.

{Lucy's snack time the other day. Just an ordinary moment on a better day than today...}

Today is one of those days....I'm on day three of a fresh head cold, and I am so foggy and BLAH that I am really finding it hard to be PRESENT as a mama. Noah's relentless and ongoing conversation seems more grating than usual... and my responses are more short and less encouraging than usual. "Sure, Noah. Okay. Fine. Sounds good. Whatever you want." Or, "No, I don't want to play a game right now." 

Awful.

Currently, Lucy is napping and Noah is behind me at the dining room table. He is "working on my math homework, Mom!" Lately, give this kid a pen and some lined paper, and he is off and running with amazing imaginative and brain-filling ideas. He'll "write"--- scribble lines on every line... Or like today, he is doing "math". Totally entranced and focused. His "math" is really quite clever: He cannot write numbers yet, so he is drawing tally marks. Talking to himself: "5 plus 5 equals 10." Writing: "IIIII + IIIII - 10" (his "equals" sign is the minus sign. I tried to show him the =, but he said, "It's okay if I do mine this way."). Is this brilliant, or what? He has found a way around the writing thing and is still managing real math. I am truly amazed.

Seriously. Why am I feeling so short and tired and overwhelmed, when THIS is my kid? He only wants my attention because he is growing and blooming and learning... and my validation means more to him than anything else in the world.

I hate being sick.

I miss the "me" I can manage most other days.

So... as I am editing and blogging just now, realizing (far too late) that Noah needs more from me than my current attitude, I am making a better effort, just in the last few moments when he comes up to me with his "worksheet" and reads his math to me, to stop, to brighten my tired expression, and to really look him in his eyes as I tell him he is doing an AWESOME JOB. My gosh, you should see how he reacts to this. He gets giddy, jumps up and down, and declares, "I am getting SO GOOD AT MATH!! Dad will be SO proud of me!!" How quickly he lets go of the earlier moments of today and takes in what I offer him.

How humbling to remember how much I matter to these little ones. I need to get over this GRUMPY MOM thing, despite the coughing and the headache and the snot, and just try to smile a bit more. Look them in the eye more. Hug them.

And then give all of us an early bedtime so as not to push my luck.

Right?