Hey! I'm Emily... homebody, amateur philosopher, professional photographer, mama and wife. This is my little world-- a place for me to preserve the little snippets of my life that bring me joy, make me think, or show my creative leanings. I'm so happy you're here. If you get a minute, please introduce yourself in the comments. If you like what you see, you are invited to follow my blog through your RSS Reader. Just click the link at the bottom of the page to add me.
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Sunday, November 28

Tomorrow Begins a New Week...

Photobucket

There ya go... Made it happen as I mentioned in the last post. Happy Halloween, a month late. Blah. (But how cute are my boys?!)

Tomorrow begins a new week, and I am, frankly, dreading it. 

It's my last week of shooting before I take some time off for the holidays. And it's a doozy for shooting. I have three sessions. I can't complain, really--- it is a HUGE blessing that these sessions weren't on the calendar a couple of weeks ago, when all the crap hit the fan. And while I am FAR from totally recovered, I am much more able to work now than I was two weeks ago. So it all worked out pretty well to have these sessions now-- saturated though the week will be. 

And it's not really the sessions alone I am dreading.... It's the rest of everything else. (Broad enough for ya?)... It's the feeling in myself that I have to start finding a way to pick up the pieces from the mostly shattered month of November. Piles of clutter than have gathered in my convalescence... Tasks on a to-do-list that never seemed to stop growing, even as I tried to take time off. I have to pretend I am well enough to get ON with it, already... and honestly.... I am NOT well enough. 

Last week I decided that taking a week to heal was good and all, but since the pain hadn't gone, it was time to buck up and figure out how to live in SPITE of the pain. No doctors were calling with answers, no cures were presenting themselves to me... so, hopeful this would gradually get better, I decided to get back to work. 

And luckily there was a holiday thrown in there, because for Wed., Thurs., Fri., Sat. and today, I've been able to keep my feet up for a good chunk of time, only letting them drop to the ground for a few hours each day to get things accomplished. I managed to get SOME work done, even with the holiday and with the "feet up" need. 

But now... the thing is, the pain ISN'T getting better.... the doctors STILL aren't calling... and there isn't a lessening of the severity of the pain. I got ONE day of blissful reprieve, last Saturday, but since then, it has been totally debilitating, daily. Hourly. And after bucking up and trying to smile through it last week, the thought of "faking it" for another week... a BUSIER week, makes me want to give up and cry. 

The pain thing is so interesting... It's not bad enough to deserve a real BREAK.... But it is not light enough to get though without significant alterations to my routine. It's not bad enough that I feel I have permission to keep complaining.... but it's not light enough that I can move without displaying obvious discomfort. The truth is, though this isn't literally crippling, it IS affecting my quality of life in a pretty major way. If I let my feet drop to the ground, either when walking or when sitting with them hanging down, then pain gets so intense that I am constantly moving to find some kind of relief. I cannot stand for long amounts of time--- I have to shuffle from one foot to the other to give each foot a micro-break. Having Noah on my lap is excruciating--- the pressure that builds up from him sitting on my legs is barely tolerable.... Yet I cannot cease our sweet routine of rocking him and singing to him before bed and naps... So I endure. 

It becomes a huge sacrifice of comfort to work at my computer, editing. I cannot edit with my feet up in a comfortable way, and editing with my feet down becomes a practice in gritting my teeth and trying to make myself stay for just ONE more pic..... 

Sewing hurts, too. Which kills my heart. :(

I just.....

Don't know how I'm gonna do this if this is what life is gonna look like for the rest of pregnancy, or whatever.

No one has answers.

No one has healing solutions. 

I take any foot rub I can get. I use heating pads for temporary comfort. I wrap my feet in ace bandages the rest of the time... I am on a strict routine of Tylenol so I can cope. 

This is life, now. 

And this coming week makes me want to cry. 

Yikes. 

I am complaining again. 

I am so so sorry. I don't know how to BE this person, and keep the usual me around. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I take things minute by minute, I guess.... And I CAN fake it, sometimes. So if you see me, and I seem pretty cheerful and put together..... I'm probably still limping. And trying to be cheerful for a minute. 

Ugh. 

Gotta stop writing, 'cause this is annoying ME. And I have to live with myself. 

For anyone who wants to help me figure this medical mystery out, here are my current symptoms:

achy joints, specifically ankles, wrists, lumbar region of back
swelling in joints
heavy pressure and pain when feet are not elevated
pain level--- at its worst it is a 7 or so... When feet are up, I can be at a 3-4

What the docs seem to have ruled out, either by examination or blood test:

Lupus
Rheumatoid arthritis
Other autoimmune disorders
Sepsis/infection stemming from breast abscess
Parvo
Mono
Flu

What I cannot take, being pregnant:

Ibuprofen
Steroids
Lots of other things

So. Someone go tell me why I hurt, please... And better yet, how to fix it. :(

I'll try to be perkier soon.

17 comments:

  1. Love the pirate hat, lady!! :) Now on to the serious stuff. I love a good mystery diagnosis, but this has got me stumped, and heartbroken for you. It's a long shot, but have you had your glucose test yet? And can you get a referral to a pain clinic? The first course of treatment anyone would give you (if you weren't expecting) is ibuprofen. Is there another anti-inflammatory drug, or homeopathic remedy that might be safe to try? Because something's got to give here! {Sending you some ankle hugs}

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  2. Wish I had some answers for you...I don't, but just encouragement. This, too, shall pass, and although I know you'd like it to pass sooner than later (here's hoping), it IS just a stage, albeit a miserable and painful and debilitating one. I like the idea of a referral to a pain clinic. You've been tested for preeclampsia, right? I'm assuming that was first on the list. Is the swelling alleviated by elevating your painful parts or drinking lots more fluids? Hmmmmmm...feel better soon, and call if we can help. :(

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  3. Oh, what awesome pics! Leave it to you to look like you are a group right out of Parenting Magazine! So darling! AS to the mystery- I did have a question for you. Right after reading your first post about the pain, I did a little search and found that women who had been treated for breast cancer had had similar experiences and seemed to blame it on the use of a medicine called...hmm- looking for it online, will give it to you when I find it again. So, two questions- did your doctor or surgeon give you any kind of medicine when you were in surgery that was breast cancer related (Taxol is the one people kept reporting joint pain after)? And- are your legs and ankles swollen? (I'm sure your doc has already looked into edema and deep vein thrombosis). I am so sorry you are going through this. Breaks my heart to not have this over and done and behind you. Love you.

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  4. emily, i have been reading your posts about the pain and how its not getting better. my husband, thomas, is an acupuncturist and studies chinese medicine. if you would like to give him a call i know he could help. we live in ohio but he could point you in the direction of some homeopathy or chinese herbs. he will be able to figure out what will work with the pregnancy, what will be safe. his whole practice consists of people that medical doctors can not seem to help. he would love to help you. please call if even to hear a different perspective. his number is 740-442-3934. be well, love, layla bea

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  5. Oh Emily I hate this for you. I have no idea what it could be. I wish I did. What I do know is that my mom has had a lot of pain to deal with in the last decade because of various injuries. At one point she was going to a "pain doctor". They were able to really pinpoint the source more than her regular docs. Just a thought. I really hope it gets better soon!

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  6. I think you have plenty of reason to complain right now, girl. PLENTY. You have earned to right to complain, complain, complain. And you should not be feeling guilty about feeling bad, for Pete's sake! You are doing incredibly well for someone who is in so much consistant pain. Don't lay into yourself emotionally on top of all this! HUGS from over here, and lots of tiny black hearts ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

    P.S. I have no clue what the diagnosis is but it certainly sounds like it is severe swelling from the pregnancy~ is your blood pressure normal? I thought maybe Toxemia but not sure if you have any other symptoms of that. I'd definitely try acupunture if I were you! ♥

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  7. Grrrr! Why have they not at least come up with a THEORY!??? They have to have something! I am so sorry my friend. This is horrible. I am hurting for you. I wish there was something I could do. I am thinking of you and praying for a solution and relief. xoxo

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  8. Oh Emily, PLEASE let me know if there is anything I can do. I know how it feels to be in the dark about pain sources and I am so very sorry you are dealing with this.

    Have you considered a chiropractor or acupuncturist? Could this be anesthesia related (likely not given the time frame)? Could it truly just be a quirky pregnancy symptom (I had some ridiculous symptoms with my last pregnancy)?

    You are in my daily prayers and thoughts!

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  9. Love the pictures! Y'all are adorable!

    I was thinking the same thing...maybe a chiropractor or acupuncturist could help? I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! Love you!

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  10. I love your pictures :D

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  11. Maybe some form of Fibromyalgia?? I don't know a whole lot about it...but know people who have it are in pain all the time.

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  12. Honestly? I'd try a chiropractor. I know, I know, obgyn's go crazy when a pregnant woman even thinks about it, BUT...when I was in my 2nd pregnancy, I was hit from behind in a car accident that left me in terrible pain. Tylenol did crap, as did ice and heat. I finally just went to a chiropractor two to three times a week and it did wonders. My doctor flipped out, but I FINALLY had relief from the pain. Might be worth a shot? Most chiropractors know how to work around a pregnant woman (and even have access to massage therapists!!!). You could even get a referral from the doc as to have it covered by insurance.

    Email me and I'll tell ya more.
    dsm0814@cox.net

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  13. Hi Emily,

    I've read your blog for awhile now and haven't commented recently, but I feel awful for you! After having my daughter, I dealt with a ton of hip/back/shoulder joint and muscle pain for well over a year. I went to doctor after doctor, and they just brushed it off as muscle strain from taking care of a young child. After months and months of no relief, I did some googling and discovered that I had a lot of the symptoms of a magnesium deficiency. It can be brought on by a lot of things (including stress and pregnancy!), but one of the major things that can drain your system of magnesium is synthetic drugs. Since this all started right after your surgery, maybe it could be a contributing factor? If you google magnesium deficiency you can find tons of info on it. It's incredibly common and can bring on a host of puzzling symptoms. The good things is that it's so easy to treat. (Obviously you'd probably want to get the ok from your OB before taking a supplement, but everything I've read says pregnant women should actually be required to take a Mg supplement, because it's beneficial in so many ways). I've been taking an over-the-counter supplement from Whole Foods called Natural Calm, and I literally feel like a new person. And just so you know, in case a doctor tries to tell you otherwise, testing your blood for a magnesium deficiency is useless. Most of the magnesium in our bodies is kept in the bones and cells, so most people will have a normal blood magnesium level even if they are deficient at the cellular level. Just thought I'd throw in my two cents!

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  14. Emily, I'm so sorry you are not well! This sounds like an incredibly tough time for you and I wish I had some answers.

    The comment right before mine sounds really hopeful. Sound like something my mom would suggest :).

    I'll be thinking of you and you will be in my prayers. Good luck with your busy week. xo

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  15. Emily, I've been thinking about you! I hope this week treated you well, and that you were able to get some answers and feel better.

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  16. Emily I'm so sorry hun. I have no clue what could be going on but I just had to let you know I'll be thinking about you. I hope the doctors can provide some relief soon.

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  17. Hope you're feeling just a titch better this week because a titch is better than nothing and that means progress. Hang in there, Emily!

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