Hey! I'm Emily... homebody, amateur philosopher, professional photographer, mama and wife. This is my little world-- a place for me to preserve the little snippets of my life that bring me joy, make me think, or show my creative leanings. I'm so happy you're here. If you get a minute, please introduce yourself in the comments. If you like what you see, you are invited to follow my blog through your RSS Reader. Just click the link at the bottom of the page to add me.
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Wednesday, July 1

The Many Ways in Which I Am a Mess

1. I only think to floss when I have an impending dentist appointment.

2. I've developed a serious phobia of the dentist in recent years, so I never have an impending dentist appointment.

3. I start projects. But lots of times, I'm notsogood at FINISHING projects.

4. I hate making dinner. HATE it. I hate trying to remember to begin prepping it so that it's ready by 6:00pm or so. I hate that wave of "oh crap, I have to think about dinner now". I hate shopping for dinner groceries. I hate menu-planning. I am terrible at all of the above, mostly from a motivation perspective. I confess I let Joe take the reins far too often, simply because I've already given up on the thought of it for the day and he is trying to keep us from going to get some junk fast food again... so even after a full day of work for him, he is often in the kitchen pulling together the "easy stuff" I keep around, because I've shut down in the Dinner Department already for the day.

5. It takes me days, if not weeks, to check my voicemails. I just don't make the time to stop and listen... more often than not because I'm either going to have a symphony of loud kid noises in my other ear anyway, or I'm not in a position to be able to jot down info or call someone right back... So I kind of pretend the voice mails aren't there, for far too long.

6. I am the WORST at timely response, especially via email and FB messenger, but also sometimes even texts. I suffer from the issue of wanting to be able to give a well-written, thoughtful response, but not usually being in a position to drop things and sit at a real computer and type a genuine careful, thoughtful reply.... so then I put it off. And the list of "needs to be replied to" gets bigger, and then when there IS time to sit and write, there are so many things needing replies by then, that I get paralyzed and ignore it all some more. It's bad. It's one of my flawiest flaws, and has only gotten worse over the last three years or so. I get really mad at myself about it, but I've yet to begin to nip it in the bud. I am so so sorry if/when you've been affected by this particularity awful trait of mine.

7. I am addicted to sugar, and am so unapologetic about it. I'm not ready (may not ever be) to even consider cutting out refined sugar from my life. Preposterous. Even when there is evidence aplenty (if I un-squint my eyes and let myself read the articles) as to why I should never touch the stuff again.... I just love it too much to say goodbye. Sorry not sorry.

8. Also, I probably take too many naps. I mean, at least in this category, studies back me up... so I let myself read those articles, haha! But still. Think of all the things I could accomplish if I cut out the three or four naps a week I take. But I'm wired to nap... even before having kids I was a napper... even letting myself lose the guilt (for the most part) early in my 20's with SARK's book "Change Your Life Without Getting Out of Bed".
So yeah. I nap. I love it. And I lose productivity time because of it.

9. I'm almost always late registering my car and paying my quarterly sales tax for my business. Those kinds of tasks that are out of my usual routine and involve paying out money usually not budgeted for.... Man, when those things come up, I just do NOT make mental room for them in a timely way.

10. After over a month of sporting some hideous poison ivy forearms (it's still there, but fading, finally), I think I'm getting a cold sore today.

11. My swim suit is 5 years old and has started leaving sticky black gunk on my neckline.  

12. My go-to Capri-length jeans have a now-unavoidably large hole in the inner-thigh zone, but I keep wearing them. Also, I suspect capris are no longer fashionable, but I keep wearing them. 

13. Getting myself to the post office to mail critical things for my businesses is , like, SO HARD. I am so bad at mailing things. 

14. I love order and organization, but I'm terribly inconsistent. I tend to make "neat little piles" in between organization bouts, and "neat little piles" still feel cluttery to me. But I cant seem to figure out a different way. 

15. I get crabby when I'm really hot or really hungry. Snappish and unpleasant. Steer clear. 

*

I could go on and on..... So many ways I'm just a mess. But I promise I'm not throwing a pity party. Its just that perhaps it's not clear to folks around me that I'm struggling with my own set of failings and weaknesses... That all of us are. Even the ones who blog and manage to take photos and make crafties. In fact, I suspect we right-brained types are more of a mess than most. But no.... Actually, I bet the left-brained folks are their own kind of mess, just in different ways. We're all trying to be more than we currently are. We all want to be better, kinder, healthier, more SOMETHING.  We all see shortcomings in ourselves; deal daily with things we are SO BAD at. And I don't know about you--- but it makes me feel better, gives me more hope, when I realize I'm not alone in this. We are ALL a mess, somehow or another. And it is what makes us human, and perhaps even more lovable. That we all struggle, we all fight with our own selves daily. For me, at least, the more I realize I cannot do it all, the more I discover deep wells of empathy and love for my fellowwomen who are also muddling through and just trying to be authentic--- the good, the bad, and the total mess. 

So I'm not fishing for reassurances here. Instead, I'm offering you the hand of friendship, in unified solidarity for all the things we aren't so great at. I kind of love that I've got a long way to go. It means, maybe, I don't have to stagnate in this life. It means I can always get BETTER. It means this is not the end.... That this current day is always a sort of BEGINNING. 

So fellowwomen--- let's clasp hands, share our failings, and laugh. Just laugh that we all have them, and we're all still okay. We really are all still okay.

(One of my friends posted this on Instagram yesterday. It put a lump in my throat. Beautiful.)


8 comments:

  1. thanks for sharing, beautiful, wonderful daughter of mine.

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  2. ***This may be a duplicate... my first attempt disappeared :(****
    You should feel honored that to make this response I put my phone down and powered up the old laptop.
    After reading your post I realized we are kindred spirits...You are too hard on yourself.
    1 and 2) Dentist. I floss twice a day but only go to the dentist every few years. Deep breathing gets me thru and I do my grocery list in my mind while I am in the chair to distract myself... not a fan.
    3)I am the queen of project starters... and the dunce of project finishers. I have so may half done scrapbooks and boxes of pics to scrap tha I will get to ... someday.
    4)Making dinner.... i like to cook, not a fan of cleaning up. I would rather bake...too bad its 95 degrees all week. I just read a recipe by someones sister..ahem...for lemon doodles and I want to try some. Shopping is something I do on the way home from work. Now that its just the two of us its easier to do that. You could try the Sunday afternoon cook for the entire week thing..take some organizing but then your week is done... My M in law shops every thursday and spends 1 1/2 hours in one store.. at 88.. good thing she has a cell phone, she calls us when she is done and we pick her up.
    5) Voicemails.. we dont get many Our landline is one digit off from a local sporting goods store so we get their calls all the time.
    6)Messages.... I am a freak about these... with Facebook and Messenger I often find myself wondering "geeze, I emailed or messaged so and so ten minutes ago... dont people check their messenger anymore?".
    7)This made me yell "YES!!" sorry not sorry... peeps, circus peanuts, orange slices , gummy worms, jelly beans and any thing with sugar....sorry not sorry... we should make bumper stickers .
    8)Naps... never apologize for too many naps. I have an old dog that wakes me every few hours at night so if I dont take a nap every afternoon when I come home from work, I fall asleep wayy too early... love my naps.
    9)Car registration and taxes... my husband pays quarterlies so he pays these bills. We dont have a sales tax in MT so got to pay those taxes on time.
    10)Poison ivy... not fun.. glad its going away. We are dealing with mosquitos... our bat house fell apart which sent them to live elsewhere and we can telll the mosquito population has soared.
    11)Swim suits.... a lot of $$ for such a small amount of fabric. Sounds like you need a new one. We have a small lake here behind the house and even with this heat I have yet to swim this summer.
    12)Capris... out of style????? Whats that you say???? I m so out of style I had no clue.. oh well.thats what Im wearing.
    13)Post office... dont have to mail packages much, im sure you do.. bummer.
    14)Organization... I am such a fan...if I am in the mood. the week after school let out I spent several days gutting my craft room. I am now a proud owner of a room with shelves, boxes, bin and binders all labeled, sorted and organized... it is beautiful.... until I have to use it again and I start opening those boxes and bins, then it will look like a bomb went off and all counter space will be gone... sad :(
    15) I get crabby.... on any day that ends in y and any one that I dont have some sugar to consume.
    Thanks for sharing. I envy you your talent as a photog and enjoy your blog...Relax and no one can judge you... they may try but when your kids a grown, they wont remember the crazy dinner time hours or meals. they will remember you takng them to the fun places you mention in your blog... thats whats important.

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    Replies
    1. Monica, I love you! You are always so uplifting and supportive. I love that we are kindred spirits!! Amen to so much of your post! My sugar love is more baked goods and chocolate-based, so if I ever get the jelly beans or gummy stuff, I'll trade you for your M&ms and cookies. Deal? Thank you for such a marvelous comment today!

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  3. #15 - YES. I'm often having to say I'm sorry to my kids and husband for what I said/did when I was hungry/hot/tired.... So bad of me, but it is a flaw that I have for sure. One of my instagram friends uses a hashtag I really love - #progressnotflawless. I find myself thinking that phrase OFTEN when I start focusing on my flaws and all the mistakes I make. I love the idea of giving yourself a little grace every day and remembering to look for the progress that you do make. Even when you backslide the very next day. Or the very next minute. Thanks for being real and sharing this post!

    p.s. I know I shouldn't eat refined sugar either, but there's no way I'm gonna stop. It tastes too good.

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  4. Hey Sis -

    Was relating to this on so many points. I think you're right about "left-brainers" being a mess in different ways, and I love your point about acknowledging it (to ourselves and others) and building empathy. That's become more and more important to me in recent years...

    And if I wasn't relating to it directly, I was thinking of loved ones... and building empathy for them.

    So we'll have a good gab about specifics sometime, but in the meantime, thanks for always bringing life back to "real"...

    Love ya!

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  5. "I am addicted to sugar, and am so unapologetic about it. I'm not ready (may not ever be) to even consider cutting out refined sugar from my life. Preposterous. Even when there is evidence aplenty (if I un-squint my eyes and let myself read the articles) as to why I should never touch the stuff again.... I just love it too much to say goodbye. Sorry not sorry."....I join you in solidarity on this one as a finish a mini-Butterfinger.

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