Tuesday, February 10
This winter has been an odd one. Last year, we were absolutely pummeled with bitter cold and snow snow snow. We had a record amount of snow days, and we began to lose our little minds pretty early on. I feel like I almost lose my little mind EVERY winter, right about March 4th, when it's apparent that just because the calendar says "SPRING", Mother Earth is laughing and sending more gloom and chill.... But last year, in particular, was brutal on our inner peace around here.
So this year, with almost ZERO snow, with several "jacket" days versus "heaviest coat" days.... Well... it's been a strange, nice break from the norm. Still.... even on the sunniest days, it's not WARM, and the wind keeps us from spending too much time outside, though every cell in my body yearns for fresh air and the sun on my face. It's my chilly feet and the tip of my nose that remind me it's not going to be that fun to stand around outside for more than a few minutes. We take the moments we can get, but by and large, we are still indoors most of the time.
But because it's not desperately WINTRY, it's been okay. More than okay. Since the year rolled over to 2015, I've been in this strange, hard-to-explain peace. I feel equal parts motivated to chip away at the permanent to-do list.... to tackle old tasks that have needed doing for MONTHS, and to also slow down, let go, ease up, chill out. Nothing has felt like an EMERGENCY, and that is a rare pleasure for me. I've been able to recover from little upsets like kids arguing or messes made.... To be able to let so many things go. It's been slower, gentler, and just really nice.
I'm not kidding myself that this is a New Me, and permanent.... I have decided to just treat it like a gift, and to enjoy it while it lasts. It is, perhaps, the last Great Peace before we think about adding another kiddo to the family. Or before Lucy drops her naps altogether and I have to relinquish the sacred Quiet Time that has reigned supreme in our house for seven years. Or before some new turn in life brings new needs, new requirements of emotional energy. Who can tell? But until new demands come knocking, I am going to try to hold onto this peace. This strange absence of the Type A part of me. It's been nice. And weirdly, things are still getting done, even without the high-strung emotional energy typically surrounding such tasks. Perhaps I'm actually letting people down right and left... I am not as prompt as I would usually like to be.... I am not as proactive and gung-ho.... But then, perhaps I'm more likable right now with this hippy dippy zen groove I'm sporting. I dunno. I am not too concerned either way. Ha, see??
So. For now, I'm here. It's winter, though a mild one. That "invincible summer" in the quote above is here in me, as it always is.... The hope and optimism and creativity and faith.... Just manifesting is a particularly mellow way right now. I'm filling my well with all kinds of little things here at home--- reading some good books on my iPhone Kindle, working a little bit on my neverending personal photo task list, rearranging and ordering little corners of my home, baking here and there. I just began a yearlong cross-stitch "stitch along", found HERE (cutest ever) and that has been energizing to embark on. Movies and Netflix shows.... And in between, the occasional nap, and lots of marveling at my kiddos and their individual renaissances they're all currently going through. Hugs from Joe-- feeling some pretty deeply satisfying synergy in our relationship...
It's all just good. Simple, basic, and good. I'm grateful. I'm chill. I can make it to the end of this winter for sure. One day in the near future, more will be required of me again, and things will shift, and my stronger emotions will kick back into gear, and I will be ready for it. Probably excited for the change when it comes. But I'm in no rush. This hippy dippy ZEN is pretty awesome for now.
Posted by Emily S. at 11:31 PM