Hey! I'm Emily... homebody, amateur philosopher, professional photographer, mama and wife. This is my little world-- a place for me to preserve the little snippets of my life that bring me joy, make me think, or show my creative leanings. I'm so happy you're here. If you get a minute, please introduce yourself in the comments. If you like what you see, you are invited to follow my blog through your RSS Reader. Just click the link at the bottom of the page to add me.
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Me:

Me:

Thursday, July 26

Confessions:

Confession:
I consider blogging almost daily. Since getting back from our massive road trip out west almost three weeks ago (the last event I blogged about), I truly do think about blogging every single day.

I think about blogging about the trips we've taken... The sessions I've been super busy with... The few projects I've managed to complete and photograph.

I think about how somehow I am past the month-mark without a new blog post for the first time since, well, EVER... Since starting this blog 6 years ago.

Confession:
I haven't sewn anything in over two months. This from a girl who had reached a point in her passion for sewing that not a week went by without SOMETHING getting made.

I have managed to let my bean tee pee wither away and my pumpkin vine die out.

I have not made a good dinner in over a month. Just easy stuff... over-processed stuff... Dinners out. 

Confession:
There are so many reasons for this gap in who I usually am... This pause.... this season of paring down and letting go expectations for myself and just trying to forgive myself for not managing as much as I usually do:

The extreme busy-ness of my schedule from mid-June til next weekend... (between work and trips and visits from family and appointments and car repairs and other obligations and editing and more work... It has been a pace that is close to driving me insane)

The heat. Oh lordy, the heat. Sapping my will to do ANYTHING fun outside the home... Even going to the library a mile away. (Can't walk-- the scorching 107-degree sun will crisp us to ash in less than a 1/4 mile. Can't drive--- the drive is too short for the A/C to begin to cool, so we get to ride in an oven...)

The heat, killing my will to water my garden, killing any joy in the thought of packing up to go swimming... easier to stay in the A/C at home than to go out at all.... Such awful heat. Resulting in awful cabin fever... Restless moodiness abounding throughout my household.

So many reasons for no blog/no sewing/no gardening/no cooking good food---- but the primary reason? The absolute number one reason my life is all about just managing the bare necessities for now? For the past 14 weeks?

Photobucket  

Say hello to my leetle freend. 

 This is Numero Tres. Number Three. Baby Bean #3. And he/she has been brewing since early May, and has been taking so much of my mojo since late May. 

Don't get me wrong--- I am OVER THE MOON for this. We were preparing for this sort of thing since the start of the year... And we are incredibly happy this one seemed to happen so easily/quickly/oopsie... 

But my goodness... I am amazed how much HARDER it has been to maintain my usual life this time around. 

Scratch that--- I'm NOT maintaining my usual life. I'm TIRED.

And so the last two months have been a massive humbling lesson in letting go of my own personal expectations and learning to forgive myself. Forgive that less is happening and much is being let go of for now. 

Forgive myself for the need of a near-daily nap. For more bowls of cold cereal than actual
"food group" types of food. Forgive myself for a few more cartoons watched so I can lay on the couch a bit longer and find the energy to get up and get going again. 

In the midst of this intense exhaustion is this already-planned/scheduled summer of  fun and family and friends... and WORK. And there's no backing out of any of that. So we travel and we host and I go out and shoot and I stay up til midnight and edit and somehow keep from completely letting down all my clients... And to be able to manage all of that, other things have just been let go of. For now. 

There is a season for everything. And I am holding out for August 5th being the close of THIS season--- the season of INSANE BUSY LIFE/EXHAUSTION/NO CONTINUITY OR ROUTINE......And I am praying fervently that post-Aug. 5 (the day I am finally done with all scheduled extracurricular life plans involving travel) I will be able to get back into the rhythm and routine I am sorely missing. That somehow I will be able to slow back down enough that even with the continuing need for naps and slower pace, I'll be able to balance the work and quality time with my kids and making better food. Because I have faith that once this INSANE PHASE is done, there will be more SPACE again... space in my days and nights and mornings and life in general. 

I really need that space back. 

That doesn't mean I expect to get back to sewing and being clever and super-productive. But it DOES mean I have faith that blogging will come back. 

Because now that I have overcome my self-guilt at how long it's been and have actually blogged, I am eager to come back. I need this place. I miss it. And I am a moody, over-emotional pregnant lady. A moody, over-emotional pregnant lady has GOT to have a place to vent, right?!

And so that is that. Blogging: CHECK. 

Now, back to the insanity until August 5. 

I am holding on for dear life to August 5. 

16 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you posted - I was beginning to worry about you. I wondered if your massive road trip resulted in mass suicide or something! Congrats on baby #3!

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  2. Congratulations! I'm very excited for you and your family! Your kids are so beautiful and so wonderful and I know that this baby will be just as amazing as them! I feel very honored that I've gotten to meet them. They are really great. You are one lucky mama! I cannot wait to see all the pictures you have in store for your growing family. You're great at what you do --being a mom, taking pictures, sewing, all the works. You shouldn't beat yourself up over the small things. You can only handle so much (not only as a person, but a pregnant one at that!) I hope that everything becomes less hectic for you soon so you that you can relax a bit more. I also hope that your pregnancy goes well! Take it easy over there woman. And again, congratulations! :)

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  3. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! What wonderful news :-)
    *And yes, forgive yourself for all of those things RIGHT NOW*

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  4. I am sooo excited to hear about baby #3!. I wish you would be kinder to yourself... Expect less. Enjoy more. No pressure to blog, but just know I sooo enjoy reading your musings. I have missed you even though we just spent time together.
    Congratulations, again!

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  5. I'm still over the moon about this news!!! Take it easy on yourself, though it's great to see you back :-)

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  6. Yay! I was told when I was pregnant with #3 that it takes SO much more out of you. That was my experience. I'm so excited for you and your family!

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  7. Congratulations Emily!
    I love your blog!
    Domi95 of Paris

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  8. Glad you're "back" - hang in there and let yourself breathe once in a while at least between now and 8/5 (only 9 more days)

    Love you :)

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  9. WOOHOO congrats!!! Also, I'm going through all the stuff you posted about, and um... I'm not even pregnant :::hugs::: you're amazing, never forget that!

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  10. Congratulations! That's so exciting. I love what you said about there being a season for everything. That's SO important to remember. Life changes like a river. It never stays the same for too long and sometimes we just have to hang on until the rapids pass.

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  11. Congratulations!!! You definitely have a reason to be "excused" (even though I do miss your blog). Xoxo.

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  12. Yay for #3! Congratulations!! I am so happy for you :)

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  13. Oh girl, I feel ya! Every day I'm trying to find some way to entertain my kids. Its just too dang hot to do anything. Hang in there! I'm excited to have another kiddo so close in age to yours!

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  14. Congrats! Congrats! Congrats! So happy for you. Enjoy your crazy time as much as possible, so you can look back at it with fondness when the slow days return.

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  15. I love that little beenie already! :) Take it easy girl! Pregnancy is rough!

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