Confessions:

Confession:

I consider blogging almost daily. Since getting back from our massive road trip out west almost three weeks ago (the last event I blogged about), I truly do think about blogging every single day.

I think about blogging about the trips we've taken... The sessions I've been super busy with... The few projects I've managed to complete and photograph.

I think about how somehow I am past the month-mark without a new blog post for the first time since, well, EVER... Since starting this blog 6 years ago.

Confession:

I haven't sewn anything in over two months. This from a girl who had reached a point in her passion for sewing that not a week went by without SOMETHING getting made.

I have managed to let my bean tee pee wither away and my pumpkin vine die out.

I have not made a good dinner in over a month. Just easy stuff... over-processed stuff... Dinners out. 

Confession:

There are so many reasons for this gap in who I usually am... This pause.... this season of paring down and letting go expectations for myself and just trying to forgive myself for not managing as much as I usually do:

The extreme busy-ness of my schedule from mid-June til next weekend... (between work and trips and visits from family and appointments and car repairs and other obligations and editing and more work... It has been a pace that is close to driving me insane)

The heat. Oh lordy, the heat. Sapping my will to do ANYTHING fun outside the home... Even going to the library a mile away. (Can't walk-- the scorching 107-degree sun will crisp us to ash in less than a 1/4 mile. Can't drive--- the drive is too short for the A/C to begin to cool, so we get to ride in an oven...)

The heat, killing my will to water my garden, killing any joy in the thought of packing up to go swimming... easier to stay in the A/C at home than to go out at all.... Such awful heat. Resulting in awful cabin fever... Restless moodiness abounding throughout my household.

So many reasons for no blog/no sewing/no gardening/no cooking good food---- but the primary reason? The absolute number one reason my life is all about just managing the bare necessities for now? For the past 14 weeks?

 

Say hello to my leetle freend. 

 This is Numero Tres. Number Three. Baby Bean #3. And he/she has been brewing since early May, and has been taking so much of my mojo since late May. 

Don't get me wrong--- I am OVER THE MOON for this. We were preparing for this sort of thing since the start of the year... And we are incredibly happy this one seemed to happen so easily/quickly/oopsie... 

But my goodness... I am amazed how much HARDER it has been to maintain my usual life this time around. 

Scratch that--- I'm NOT maintaining my usual life. I'm TIRED.

And so the last two months have been a massive humbling lesson in letting go of my own personal expectations and learning to forgive myself. Forgive that less is happening and much is being let go of for now. 

Forgive myself for the need of a near-daily nap. For more bowls of cold cereal than actual
"food group" types of food. Forgive myself for a few more cartoons watched so I can lay on the couch a bit longer and find the energy to get up and get going again. 

In the midst of this intense exhaustion is this already-planned/scheduled summer of  fun and family and friends... and WORK. And there's no backing out of any of that. So we travel and we host and I go out and shoot and I stay up til midnight and edit and somehow keep from completely letting down all my clients... And to be able to manage all of that, other things have just been let go of. For now. 

There is a season for everything. And I am holding out for August 5th being the close of THIS season--- the season of INSANE BUSY LIFE/EXHAUSTION/NO CONTINUITY OR ROUTINE......And I am praying fervently that post-Aug. 5 (the day I am finally done with all scheduled extracurricular life plans involving travel) I will be able to get back into the rhythm and routine I am sorely missing. That somehow I will be able to slow back down enough that even with the continuing need for naps and slower pace, I'll be able to balance the work and quality time with my kids and making better food. Because I have faith that once this INSANE PHASE is done, there will be more SPACE again... space in my days and nights and mornings and life in general. 

I really need that space back. 

That doesn't mean I expect to get back to sewing and being clever and super-productive. But it DOES mean I have faith that blogging will come back. 

Because now that I have overcome my self-guilt at how long it's been and have actually blogged, I am eager to come back. I need this place. I miss it. And I am a moody, over-emotional pregnant lady. A moody, over-emotional pregnant lady has GOT to have a place to vent, right?!

And so that is that. Blogging: CHECK. 

Now, back to the insanity until August 5. 

I am holding on for dear life to August 5.