Brain Dump July 2022

 

It's late on a Tuesday night and I find myself with a restless general anxiety in my stomach... a strange hunger for growth suddenly... an uncomfortable sense of things I should begin doing, small habits I've not been doing for a long time. I'm not sure why now, why here... But I'm sitting with it. I'm googling ideas. I'm jotting notes down as they fly into my head, a stack of red post-its in front of me with lists of photo clients, website templates, business growth ideas...

While this weird energy is mostly work-related tonight, it is reopening up thoughts about my life as a whole and what I want to work on when my youngest heads to kindergarten in the fall. I have so many ideas and plans and hopes for that coming day-- a new era in my life after 14 years of having at least one child at home with me. 

Forgive the randomness of the following list... there is no focus, there is no order. It's just a set of things that I'm jotting down here so I can settle them down and not carry them to bed with me.

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I want to practice intentional screen-free time, to see what happens. In my head. In my home. In my heart. I don't know how this will look... if it will be daily for a set time each day, or once a week for a whole day... I don't know. I just know I want to try. I want to clear the noise and invite disquiet and restlessness to see what happens after it. 

I want to write. Not anything formal or themed... I just want to sit down and let words out again, in an open-ended way. Losing the blogging habit, allowing the Instagram captions to count as a skeletal substitute... It's not enough, and I think I've lost something. And while my social-emotional needs have been vastly cared-for via Marco Polo-- it has absolutely been a stand-in talk therapy for me for the last few years-- I think I lean on it more for processing, and again, I think something is lost when I don't sit with things alone, inside myself, and write it out. I want to sit and write more. 

I might be ready, finally, to lean back into my business. To work on a website. To increase my offerings AND my pricing. To blog my clients in a regular way to boost my online presence. To run a giveaway. To create and USE contracts and auto-reminders and schedulers. I have been vastly reluctant to do any of this for YEARS now. Maybe I'm ready finally. 

I have been okay. So so okay. Learning about rest and release and self-acceptance for the last few years. Watching myself NOT reach, not strive... But also not need to. Letting some things go and then being okay with that. There has been growth here, even when it feels like nothing much is happening. 

And as always, there has been observation and appreciation. I think those are two of my greatest gifts. Even without ambition and worldly success, I can sit in most moments and observe and appreciate. And that is a beautiful thing... and no small thing. 

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So anyway. That's me, July 2022, on a late Tuesday night. More to come in the coming weeks, maybe.