Tonight, I got home at around 5 p.m., lay on the bed complaining about weariness, and of course, fell asleep. Only when Joe tempted me back to life with a virgin margarita did I rouse enough to get off the bed, and only then because I was dying of thirst and a sweet/sour frozen drink sounded like a gift from the gods.
Tomorrow, I will be 7 months pregnant. This third trimester has only been going on for a week, but I already feel like I've been hit by a bulldozer every afternoon. I sit/lay every evening, thinking, "I should be working on a project/cleaning a portion of my home/cooking dinner for Joe/working on editing photos/making a scrapbook page/going for a walk... but all I can do right now is remain motionless and let this sleep overtake me...zzzzzzzz..."
Don't get me wrong: I truly have had a blessed pregnancy, and it is really fun to observe all these phases and changes I am going through. But honestly-- will I ever get ME back again? Passion, drive, creativity, energy, motivation, desire to DO something? People tell me that having a baby will just take more of this away from me, and I'm not sure what to expect. Do I just need to learn to let go of expectations? Not try to be more than my poor body will let me?
Or am I babying myself WAY too much, and need to get off my bum and get moving?
I feel like I only have a little more "free" time left, and I am getting sad that I might be "wasting" it... but honestly, the exhaustion that has been hitting every afternoon is compellingly powerful. Irresistible. Like a drug, it drains away ANY thought of activity or action. Sleep... blessed sleep..... must sleep....